Letters to a Stepmom: On Being Chosen

Dear Stepmom,

You may feel ill-equipped, like this is too hard (and maybe even that you want out). 

A person in my life used to frequently say “this is what you signed up for”, as if I’d impulsively volunteered for deployment to a battle in which I shouldn’t fight. Questions started to creep into my mind…Was that true? Was it wrong that I was in this place? Did I choose the wrong path? 

I consciously pushed that messaging away full force. I couldn’t let that false belief hang around for me to potentially pick up on a bad day down the road. I had committed to this man and this child. Yes, it is hard, but it wasn’t wrong. If people never did hard things, then we wouldn’t have electricity, or travel, or give birth to babies, and we’d fail to learn new skills and grow. 

And even more so, God had led me to this role — picked me for it! He chose me!

Truth is→

God is equipping you – It’s not that He won’t give you more than you can handle (a catchy “christianism” that’s been passed around, but you may be surprised to learn it’s nowhere to be found in the Bible). But He won’t give you more than He can handle through you-as you rely on Him, leaning into Him and His infinite power. He says we can do all things, even hard things, through Him, who gives us strength. 

Practical Encouragement for today →

  • Read Phil 4:13. “I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”
  • Revisit the things you loved about your husband when you first married. Make a list of at least 3 attributes and tell him. 
  • In Ron Deal’s Book, the Smart StepFamily, He mentions that it takes about 7 yrs for stepfamilies to blend. When I read that, I felt relief fall on my shoulders. And, when I read back through my journals, I found that the positive moments and memories did start increasing in frequency around that time frame — first hug that had little arms to return it, first time returning an I love you. All of the little things started popping up about 7 years in. Whew!  I highly recommend you start a journal of the little good things, the tiny wins along the way. Celebrate them as you wait in hope for bigger wins down the road!

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One Comment to Letters to a Stepmom: On Being Chosen

  1. It is obvious that God had chosen you to be a blessing to many! May God continue to use you to share His truth and His words of encouragement to moms everywhere.

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